"Why don't you come on over Caroline?"

At a wedding last week we were singing our hearts out to all the classic songs people prance about to at the evening party. Unaccustomed to such events and a tea-teetotaler, I was determined not to be labelled that most awful of persons - "a partypooper." Standing awkwardly on the dance floor in a pair of high heels now welded to my feet after 7 hours of gradual swelling, I joined in loudly with the well known song by the Zutons, made famous more recently by Amy Whinehouse and Mark Ronson. That morning I had been listening to the celebrations as England lionesses scraped their way through to the quarter finals of the women's world cup and somewhere in my subconscious, two songs became muddled. Fortunately in the raucous cacophony of a well oiled group, my new invitation for Caroline to come over rather than Valerie went largely unnoticed.

I was reminded of a verse in Exodus where God and Moses are having a discussion about rescuing people. God tells Moses,  "I will do what you have said because you have gained my trust and blessing and I know you by name."  I'm really confident that God doesn't get me mixed up with some other woman when he determines to bless me.

Duck feet and perspective.

On a lovely stroll in Bradgate Park, Leicestershire this evening, my husband commented on the ducks in the water. "Look at those ducks waving their feet in the air!" I must say I had never looked at it that way, I always imagined the ducks were dipping their heads under water to catch food rather than sticking their feet in the air for the fun of it. When my brother was young he came downstairs crying because he had fallen over in his bedroom. When my mother asked him what was wrong, he looked up and said, "I banged my elbow on the ceiling." Observing Orion in the night sky, it is interesting to note, that some of its stars are nearer to earth than they are to each other. I flew over Mont Blanc last week, it stands 4,510 meteres high - it was tiny.  As a Christian I've discovered that God's perspective is much more expansive than mine. Logically He shouldn't really notice me because I'm too small, but in reality I have reason to believe that God not only sees me, he knows me and he actually cares about my comings and goings, my sittings and standings, my laughings and cryings. Not everybody thinks I'm wonderful, but I like God's perspective, because he does. 

Proud makers of the finest quality goods.

Did the proud makers of this finest quality hoodie, expect people to have their hood up all the time so that we would know who the proud makers of this finest quality hoodie are? Or are the proud makers of this hoodie so proud that they know we will guess it says "Jam Rolls" under the dangling hood.
It could say 'Jane Mills', or 'Jack Wills' or 'Jaw Kills.'
If it said 'Jaw Kills', I could have worn it for the last five days. (Well I couldn't actually have worn it because this kid is a size 8 and I'm more than that) But my jaw has been painful for several days and on Friday I went for an emergency appointment at the dentist. She tutted, stuck two very long needles in my mouth and extracted the tooth that was causing the pain, in the meantime inflicting even more pain which continued for another several days. I have discovered that the reason for the padded chairs at the dentist, is not for the comfort of the patient, but so that when the needle goes in through your gum and out through your bottom, it doesn't break on a hard chair.
A surprising number of people suffer from low self-esteem.They don't consider themselves the finest quality goods. I think this might be because something blocked their view of who their proud maker is.
I believe God made me. I believe God is proud of me, I believe he considers me the finest quality goods.
I believe God made you. I know that might be hard for some people to agree with but I think that's because something's blocked their view of  their maker's name so they aren't absolutely sure of their identity. Move your hood. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Elbows

On Thursday I saw a man with the most animated elbow joints it has ever been my privilege to witness. I think his lower arm swung backwards as well as forwards, suggesting a very versatile ginglymus. It reminded me of making paper puppets with bifficated clips (paper fasteners - but I love the word bifficated) where the joints swivel round and round. His arms had a Tigger like quality and I was enjoying them very much until his mobile phone rang and stopped my gladness. I was very pleased when he later walked back past the window of a cafe where I was sitting drinking a really horrible cappuccino coffee. Alas his phone rang again and his elbows assumed a phone holding bend instead of their delightful bouncing spring. 
When little children begin to draw arms on people they usually draw them sticking out of each side of a large head.This develops until they draw them sticking out of their sides half way down their bodies. They then learn to add shoulders which come out of the neck in a straight line and turn a perfect 45 degrees south. 
Trying to convince children that your arm reaches almost to your knee is no easy task. Even when they hold their own arm down by their side and look in the mirror, they still draw it coming to a halt just below their waist.
The 'bouncy arm man' reminded me of a Bible verse in Isaiah chapter 59 -                                                     " Behold, the Lord's hand is not shortened that it cannot save." 
I am so happy that God has reached down to rescue me.
Nobody is beyond the reach of God's love and mercy, nobody is so weighed down that God cannot lift them up. I do hope you will experience the wonderfully strong, long, versatile arm of God in your life.

Left hand thread.

This week I fixed my bath tap. For weeks and weeks it has been delivering less and less water until it finally stopped dribbling all together. I checked the ball cock on the tank but as the other hot taps were working that wasn't actually likely to be the problem. I then consulted the infinitely  informative Youtube and discovered the probable cause of the difficulty and the probable remedy. Turning off the hot water proved more difficult than I had imagined as I was unsure which of the three stop taps to turn. In the end I turned them all, but needed mole grips to do it. I prized the top off the tap, undid the top screw and with my knee rammed against a large adjustable wrench which was holding the tap still, me and another adjustable spanner fought with the nut holding the inner workings of the tap prisoner. After a lot of wrenching, hammering, tapping and WD40 I finally released the tap's innards. The cir-clip came off without the screw driver blade slicing my finger ends and, trying not to strip the splines from the top of the device, I wrestled with the next stubborn nut. The problem lay in the fact that the washer had been screwed so far down it had got stuck in the closed position. The way to get the tap to work again was to unscrew the mechanism using a counter-intuitive clockwise twist. Fighting against my instincts I released the washer, smeared it with washing up liquid and tapped it back into its housing. I replaced the cir-clip without damage to my fingers and replaced the top of the tap. I prayed against an air lock and turned the stop taps back on. I am pleased to say, the tap works very well. The only other thing I have mended that has a counterclockwise thread is the tube of a vacuum cleaner. Sometimes in life, we want things to go the way we expect they should. When they don't, we occasionally get frustrated and angry and start hitting things with a hammer or shouting at God because it's not working or its not fair. I have discovered that God knows which way to turn things so they will work.
Sometimes, like especially at the moment, God seems to be turning me in a direction I am not comfortable with and I must admit I have resisted a bit. But my Heavenly Father knows how I was assembled and knows how to get me to work effectively, if only I will keep still and let him unscrew me. I was so pleased when the water ran freely after my efforts this week. I know that God wants to pour blessing into and out of my life and if I will stop struggling and let him deal with me, we will both be pleased with the results.

Tame Compliments

My friend has just commented on my blog with one of the tamest compliments you could wish to meet.

"Your blogs make me smile as well as having some meaning"
It was worse than me saying to a lady last week, "You have beautifully messy hair."
My minister's wife told me I had lost a ton of weight - do you thank somebody for that?
I  should probably be complimented for using the correct spelling of compliment. I also know how to use plurals without apostrophes. 
My daughter's college lecturer wrote on the white board: 
"Todays lesson objective is the correct use of apostrophe's." 
She should have complemented her English with a few lessons in English.

After complaining about finding metal shavings in my salad at a local restaurant, they said I could have a complimentary meal. When I ordered it, the tomato and the lettuce both said I looked lovely.
Most of us like receiving compliments. We like to think we are valued and appreciated.
The greatest compliment I have ever received is that the Son of God considered me worth dying for.
The same goes for you, but not everyone is good at receiving compliments, especially one as meaningful as that. 

Hijacking

Have you ever executed an idea that you hadn't thought through properly?
I once stood in a bucket and tried to lift myself up. It didn't go well.
Another time I took my new camera to photograph my daughter riding a horse. When I looked at the pictures later I had 36 photos of my eyeball.
Drilling a hole in a piece of wood I was holding in my hand was something else I hadn't thought through awfully well. I've still got the scar.
This week an Ethiopian co-pilot hijacked his own plane and diverted it to Switzerland in a bid to gain asylum.
He was arrested.
If he had landed the plane in Italy where it was headed. he could have walked out of the airport and found asylum without being charged with a crime. 
In the Bible in the book of Ephesians we read about an idea God had."Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes.  God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure."

The consequences of that idea would cost God his son but it was a plan that he had thought through and it went exactly to plan.

You can hijack God's plan and get off at a destination which will dash your hope of a safe haven or you can stay on board with his plan and finish up eternally safe.

May I suggest that it's a good thing to think that through before you do something you'll regret.

Squeezy Marmite

Today I discovered that you can get Marmite in a squeezy little Marmite pot shaped bottle.
This is a travesty! You have to get Marmite out with a knife, spread it on your bread etc to your required thickness, then scrape the surplus back on the edge of the jar without getting butter in it.
How can you monitor the thickness if you squeeze it on the bread in a squirt? And, more importantly, how can you get it back in the squeezy little jar if you have overdone it?
I am shocked at the number of things which require squeezing. It never works. Toothpaste is fine until it's half empty, after that it's too much trouble. When the tubes were made of metal you could roll them up and keep the toothpaste moving along nicely but when you try to roll a plastic tube up it just unrolls again leaving you unsure of the amount of toothpaste in the tube, or its whereabouts therein.
Although tomato ketchup is sitting at the entrance to the bottle when you want it, cheaper brands of ketchup leak out all over the cupboard shelf while not being squeezed. I can't speak for Heinz ketchup because I like to buy that in a small glass bottle and wallop it on the bottom in order to dispense an unspecified amount of ketchup onto the side of the plate and the tablecloth, missing the food completely.
Washing up liquid bottles are acceptable but uneconomical when used by the male of the species. It is better to use cheap washing up liquid if you have a man who ever washes up, because men will squirt copious amounts of washing up liquid in the bowl whether it is Fairy or Asda smart price.
Jiff lemon is a success because it's shaped like a lemon and that's just cool.
Women like to be squeezed occasionally, especially by men who love them, but there are times when women hate to be squeezed, especially by men who love them, so it's quite to difficult to gauge.

I'm glad God pours stuff out rather than squeezing it out. It speaks of his generosity and goodness.
You don't have to try and force God to bless you, he's longing to bless you and just waiting for you to ask.